Here are 18 signs that it is time to consider ending a relationship:

  1. You consistently don’t feel heard.
  2. You are more attached to the way you wish your partner would be rather than the way your partner actually is. You are continuously looking for your partner to change, and if things remain the way they are now, you don’t think you will ever be happy in this relationship.
  3. The relationship feels as if it is way too much work, and you don’t see evidence that this is going to change.
  4. You are angry, resentful or hopeless much of the time.
  5. You feel controlled, manipulated or guilted into staying because you don’t want to hurt your partner. You remain in the relationship more to please your partner than to please yourself.
  6. You’re forever giving a great deal more than you are receiving. Relationships are not always 50/50, but as time goes on there needs to be a rough equivalency between giving and receiving, so one person does not fall into the role of being the giver (or caretaker), while the other simply takes.
  7. You were happier before this relationship than you are in this relationship.
  8. You feel this relationship is sucking you dry. The relationship leaves you feeling drained, depleted and empty.
  9. You can’t stop the cycle of anger, blame, arguments and withdrawal.
  10. You don’t feel respected by your partner.
  11. You don’t trust that your partner will be there for you when times get rough—or you feel unable to turn to your partner in times of need, because you don’t feel safe with him or her, or you don’t trust that your partner will comfort, support or commiserate with you.
  12. You find yourself justifying why you’re staying in the relationship, especially to those people close to you. You defend or give justifications about the relationship to others, or you refrain from telling them what is actually happening because you don’t want them to disapprove of you or of the relationship.
  13. Your partner attempts to intentionally inflict emotional, physical, verbal or mental pain onto you.
  14. You don’t feel your partner values your happiness.
  15. Your partner attempts to force or shame you into doing things you don’t want to do.
  16. You need to perpetually rescue your partner from him or herself—including his/her words, behaviors or conduct. Or your partner is substance addicted and therefore not fully in control of his/her actions.
  17. Your partner repeatedly berates you, criticizes you or attempts to make you feel inadequate. That can lead you to feel the need to prove your worth over and over again to your partner, which is a hard way to live.
  18. You don’t feel that what matters to you matters to your partner.

Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Neil’s book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm can help you rekindle your passion.

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