Dear Neil: Most women these days want rich men, since they won’t date a man that makes much less money than they do. I fear I will never be accepted by a woman.

Single But Not By Choice

Dear Single: It is true that a man with a good paying stable job is in higher demand than a man with a lower paying job (or a man with no stable job at all). As a rule of thumb, women generally look for a man that has resources to provide her with a comfortable home and lifestyle. So men that can provide such a home and lifestyle usually have an advantage.

But that’s not the whole story. There are plenty of women who have good paying and/or professional jobs themselves, but who are still looking for someone to call theirs, even if his income doesn’t come close to matching hers. Such a woman might be looking for a man who would make an awesome father or stepfather. She may overlook a smaller income for a man who is kind, caring, empathetic, faithful and trustworthy. She may have a soft spot for a man who is funny, or fun to be with. She may desire a man who would willingly be the primary cook and the person most responsible for keeping the home clean, tidy and taken care of.

Perhaps she is a woman who is impressed with a man who knows how to fix or repair things. She might be looking at whether he has an upbeat optimistic attitude, or whether he feels cheated by life and therefore presents as angry, cynical or embittered. She might simply be looking for a gentleman whose heart is not walled off so she has a chance at having a close, affectionate loving relationship with him.

So don’t talk like this is hopeless. Go out there and become someone that a woman might desire.

Dear Neil: The person I’m in love with fits the profile of a self-loathing person. His insecurities have always gotten in the way of our relationship, and he’s scared of me rejecting him. This led to him saying that he had a special surprise and was excited to come clean about his feelings for me, but instead he ended our relationship and blocked me from his social media and phone. What is the best way to handle this? I have tried to move on from this for months, but I’m not succeeding.

Help

Dear Help: First, the obvious. You cannot make anyone else choose you, or open themselves to you, or accept you—no mater how important the relationship may be. All you can do is offer to be his. So perhaps you might consider sending him an email, voice mail or a US mail letter, telling him that his behavior blindsided you, and that you’re having a hard time putting closure to the relationship. Then tell him you would like one conversation with him about what happened, in order for you to put this to rest.

If he grants you this wish, you may then be able to explore with him whether he is open to trying again, and what he would need in order to feel safe enough to let you back in.

Tagged: attracting a woman  

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