Dear Neil: I am a 25 year-old divorced mother. My boyfriend and I recently moved to the same neighborhood to be close to each other, but ever since then he has gotten moodier and more distant.. This has made me increasingly panicky about our relationship, and when I question him about his motivation for space, […]
What Makes a Person Emotionally Unavailable?
Dear Neil: What makes a person—namely a man—become emotionally unavailable? Why do men seem to value being emotionally available far less than women? What are some things a man could do to overcome being emotionally unavailable? Hurt in New York Dear Hurt: I get so many questions from readers about this subject that repeating some […]
Craving Intimacy – But Rejecting It When Offered
Dear Neil: I don’t understand why a man who said he was searching for a love relationship rejected it when it was offered to him. He said I was his best friend, easy to get along with, comfortable to be around, responsive, warm, affectionate, hot, romantic and sexy. He said I was everything he was […]
Emotionally Unavailable People Typically Remain Unavailable
Dear Neil: I have always blamed the men I was with for things not working out. They weren’t right, didn’t treat me well, etc. The last man I was with expressed to me that he didn’t know what to do with his life and what he wanted. This man was not only directionless, he was […]
Romancing The Stone
Dear Neil: I have a boyfriend who I think of as my soul mate, and I love him dearly. The problem is that he rarely calls me, rarely has time to get together, rarely invites me out to dinner(or to other forms of entertainment), and seldom is endearing or romantic toward me. He is preoccupied […]
I Don’t Know How to Trust People
Dear Neil: I am 43 years-old and have never been married. I have a college degree, am adventurous and fun. But I don’t know how to trust people and allow my defenses to come down. I couldn’t trust my parents. My first boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, and I have a history […]
Unlock Barriers to Giving and Receiving Love
Dear Neil: My wife and I have been reading your recent three-part series about how people block themselves from giving and receiving love. It has spoken closely to our situation. At conception, my wife was unwanted by her mother. This translated to her forming strong and mystifying barriers to me. These barriers have refused all […]
How We Avoid Loving and Being Loved
Note: this is the third of a three-part series. On the simplest level, the way we approach our intimate relationships demonstrate whether we’ve learned if people are safe and trustworthy, or whether being close to others is dangerous because we are likely to end up getting hurt. The fights, withdrawals and hurt feelings are really […]
Do You Find Yourself Resistant to Love?
Note: this is the second of a three-part series. Why is it that some people block themselves from giving and receiving love? Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt explain the process in the book Receiving Love (Atria, 2004) : When we are born, openness and receptivity are our natural state. When a caretaker does not properly […]
Inability to Trust Leads to Failed Relationships
Note: this is the second of a two-part series. If you grew up in an environment where you were made to feel inadequate, insecure and afraid to trust, you likely have a difficult time in adulthood with your ability to love and to be loved. You will, more than likely, develop a fear of being […]