Divorce counseling (or divorce therapy) is specifically designed for those people who have made the decision to end their relationship, or who are seriously considering divorce, or who are in the middle of a divorce—or who are reeling from the aftereffects of a divorce.
Although Neil Rosenthal specializes in what goes wrong in intimate relationships and how to repair your relationship, not everyone who seeks out his counsel and his expertise is interested in saving their marriage. Some people find that a divorce or a break-up gives them a timely opportunity to re-examine their lives, their behaviors, their values, their priorities, their relationships with their children, family and friends—and their future goals. That is where divorce counseling comes in.
What Will I Do in Divorce Counseling?
Most people who enter divorce therapy—or counseling after a divorce (or during a divorce)—seek one or more of the following:
- They want help in dealing with the emotions of their divorce.
- They come to divorce therapy because they want help in learning the lessons from their relationship—so they don’t make the same mistakes again.
- They enter divorce counseling because they are wanting to put closure to this chapter of their lives so they can move on. If you don’t put effective closure on your marriage that has ended, you will be far more likely to be fighting with your ex for years afterwards.
- Many people need help with the grieving/mourning process that a divorce has thrust upon them, so they enter divorce therapy for emotional assistance and in creating effective closure.
- Most people have a strong desire to build their self-esteem back up.
- Decisions about the children need to be made, and because of that you may need to get along with your ex. But getting along with your ex can be very painful and difficult, and can easily lead to an emotional bloodbath. Some people enter divorce counseling to learn and explore such issues as: “How do I deal with my husband’s new lover (or my wife’s angry, cutting remarks) whenever I pick up or drop off the kids?”
- Some couples enter divorce therapy together in order to learn more effective ways of handling conflicts or communicating with each other more effectively.
- Some people, especially those married a long time, are completely unfamiliar with how to date again, or where to meet new people, or how to act with a new potential romantic interest, or what to talk about. They enter divorce counseling because they need a refresher and some encouragement in how people meet and connect with each other.
- Divorce counseling sometimes assists people who are not sure how to deal with a child who is acting out, or doing poorly in school because of the trauma the divorce has thrust upon them.
- Not every one who begins divorce counseling is actually wanting to get divorced. Sometimes divorce therapy helps you explore what went wrong so you might be able to bring your spouse in and examine whether there might still be a chance to save the marriage. That is why divorce counseling sometimes turns into marriage counseling.
- Most often, however, divorce therapy is done on an individual basis in order to help you through the fear, anxiety, anger, loneliness, confusion and hurt feelings you go through when you are breaking up a vital relationship.
- A divorce therapist can act as a mediator, assisting you and your spouse to part company with a minimum of emotional damage, hurtful words or behaviors, anger and hostility.
Divorce therapy sometimes offers help with feelings of severe trauma, depression and sadness when a relationship splits up.
Why Do So Many People Need Help During (or After) a Divorce?
Some couples engage in court battles that go on for years. Although on the surface they may be fighting about money, maintenance, disagreements about how to handle the kids or custody, frequently what they’re really fighting about stems from their unresolved hurt, resentment or anger at what happened during the marriage—and how rejected they feel, or how betrayed they feel, or that they have a strong need for retribution.
Divorce counseling attempts to sort out the various wounded feelings and battered emotions so you can heal—and so you can be a healthy parent. And divorce counseling attempts to help you repair your self-image and self-esteem, make peace with the ending of your marriage and create a vision regarding the goals you have for the future.Schedule a divorce counseling appointment today