This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship
Intentionally or not, might you employ sabotaging behaviors in your intimate relationships? Take this quiz to find out. Rate your answers on a scale from 1 to 5, in which 1 = never; 2 = sometimes; 3 = half the time; 4 = often, and 5 = always. This quiz is courtesy of Randi Gunther in the book Relationship Saboteurs (New Harbinger Publications).
- If you queried all your significant intimate partners, would their complaints be similar?
- Have you dismissed your partners’ requests for change as unimportant?
- Do you continue with certain patterns of behavior, even when they are clearly driving your partner away?
- When a partner is distressed with you, do you respond defensively and justify your actions?
- Did anyone in your childhood justify hurtful behaviors that happened to you or to others?
- Would you be unable to tolerate a partner behaving the way you behave in your relationships?
- When you’re confronted with behaviors your partner doesn’t like, do you try to reverse the blame and focus on your partner’s faults instead?
- Do you expect your partner to excuse your faults because you have other good qualities?
- Are you likely to blame your partner for behaviors you yourself use?
- When your relationships have ended, do you usually feel self-righteous and blameless?
Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Neil’s book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm can help you rekindle your passion.Get My Book Today →