Is there enough love and respect in your intimate relationship?  Do you and your partner show each other empathy, support, care, affection, friendship, sympathy and love?  How do you express such emotions, how is that expression received by your partner, and where could you improve in the ways that you express love and respect?

Take this quiz to find out.  Answer “yes” or “no” to each of the following statements, depending on whether you mostly agree or disagree.

  1. My partner seeks out my opinions.
  2. My partner cares about my feelings.
  3. I don’t feel ignored very often.
  4. We touch each other a lot.
  5. We listen to each other.
  6. We respect each other’s ideas.
  7. We are affectionate toward one another.
  8. My partner takes good care of me.
  9. What I say counts.
  10. I am important in our decisions.
  11. There’s lots of love in our relationship.
  12. We are genuinely interested in one another.
  13. I just love spending time with my partner.
  14. We are good friends.
  15. Even during rough times, we can be empathetic with each other.
  16. My mate is considerate of my viewpoint.
  17. My partner finds me physically attractive.
  18. My partner expresses warmth toward me.
  19. I feel included in my partner’s life.
  20. My partner admires me.

Now go back and retake this quiz, answering as you think your partner would.  Without showing your answers to your partner, ask him/her to take this quiz separately.  Then compare responses with each other.

Scoring:  Clearly, the more “yes” answers you checked, the more you feel loved and respected by your partner.   In my experience, however, you will not feel as if your relationship is loving and respectful unless you say “yes” to at least 15 of these questions.

This quiz was taken from John Gottman’s book Why Marriages Succeed Or Fail (Fireside).

What does it mean if there’s a wide difference in the number of “yes” answers you check versus the number your partner checks?  It means the two of you need to talk about what you’re feeling, what’s upsetting or hurting you, about what you want differently, and how important it is to you.

Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Neil’s book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm can help you rekindle your passion.

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