Commitment fears

Dear Neil:  I am a 43-year-old educated, attractive and professional woman who has never been married.  I have left most of the men I have been involved with through the years.  Is there a way to tell if I am afraid of commitment?

Anxious In Portland

Dear Anxious: Honestly consider how often you relate to the following statements, using the scale seldom, sometimes or often.

This quiz contains 24 multiple choice questions and takes about 8 minutes to complete. Your responses are confidential.

I'm afraid that no one will want me because I'm not perfect enough.
I'm afraid that any partner I choose won't be perfect enough.
I'm afraid people will judge me by the partner I choose.
I'm afraid of losing the freedom to do what I want, when I want.
I'm afraid of losing my sexual freedom.
I'm afraid of being bored.
I'm afraid I'll change my mind and therefore feel stuck.
I'm afraid I'll end up feeling limited and constrained by the compromises and obligations of commitment.
I'm afraid of losing my individuality and my sense of self.
I'm afraid of being controlled.
I'm afraid of losing control.
I'm afraid that I won't have that magic feeling—and won't end up with the mate that fate had intended for me.
I'm afraid of growing older.
I'm afraid that my life will narrow and I'll die without ever having lived—or having done everything I want to do.
I'm afraid that I'll love so much that something awful will happen to me.
I'm afraid that all the things I'm ashamed of will be found out by the person I care about, and s/he will therefore reject me.
I'm afraid of being dependent on someone else.
I'm afraid of having someone dependent on me.
I'm afraid of making another romantic mistake.
I'm afraid I'll make my life more complicated and create more problems for myself.
I'm afraid I'll be giving up the life I enjoy just the way it is.
I'm afraid of sharing my money.
I'm afraid that the circumstances of my life are such that there is no room for another person.
I'm afraid of the responsibilities that come with marriage and commitment.

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