This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one

No adult reading this article is likely to be a novice when it comes to romance. Most of us have been around the block once or twice when it comes to our experiences in an intimate relationship, and some of us have been around the block over and over again.

We all know the pattern. Two people fall in love…just like you. They do all the classic romantic things that couple’s do when they first get together. But, over time, the passion and romance fades—sometimes never to return. Some would argue that this is inevitable in a relationship.

But passion does not need to fade in your relationship any longer, and “generic romance” will take you only so far. A relationship between once-close lovers will drift apart if both of you don’t work at keeping things close, connected and loving on an ongoing basis. Familiarity does not “breed contempt,” but boredom and lack of effort and initiative will. You just need more creative and personal ways of living your love, because while falling in love just happens, staying in love never happens by itself.

“Great relationships aren’t 50/50. They’re 100/100,” says Gregory J.P. Godek in his book 1001 Ways to Be Romantic (Sourcebooks Publishers). “Fifty-fifty really means “I’ll meet you halfway.” Love is about giving 100%, not merely 50%….The problem is when you’re both trying to limit your giving to your “fair share”—usually defined as 50%. If you do that, you’ll definitely fall short of 100%.”

Here are some “secrets” Godek offers in how to turn your relationship into a love affair:

  • Give your relationship the top priority in your life, and your time and effort are far more important than the money you spend. Gifts are great, but nothing makes up for lost time or for feeling lonely while in a relationship. Make sure you’re carving time out of your evenings and weekends to spend with your sweetheart.
  • Once a week for a year, jot down two reasons why you love him/her, one great thing s/he did and one inspirational thought that feels significant to you. At the end of the year, print all of this out on a big scroll and present it to your lover.
  • Not for newlyweds only. Every so often, carry her over the threshold of your house or apartment.

To continue reading: Buy the Book

Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Neil’s book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm can help you rekindle your passion.

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