The Signs of Gridlock Part 1

Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil:  My girlfriend and I are constantly fighting.  Even small things can provoke a huge fight between us, and we seem to fight over the same things again and again.  These fights have escalated to the degree that we’re seeing much less of each other […]

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Working Through Conflict More Effectively

The following exercises are designed to help couples work through conflict more effectively. If your relationship is beset with conflicts which occasionally spin out of control, then try learning these relationship skills. HIDDEN MESSAGES Explore which hidden issues are operating in your relationship. Consider the degree to which each issue seems to affect your relationship […]

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Fighting Better

Dear Neil: My wife and I are getting into a fair number of ugly arguments and vicious fights. Lots of things can trigger an argument, but stopping the argument is an entirely different matter. I feel we are destroying our relationship by the way we are fighting. Are there any suggestions you can offer about […]

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Handling Conflict More Effectively

Next time you’re trying to defuse a conflict with someone who’s angry or upset, use the Psychotherapist’s Tool to talk the person through his or her emotions rather than trying to talk him or her out it of them. What is the Psychotherapist’s Tool? It involves paraphrasing back what someone has said in an effort […]

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Defusing Verbal Conflict

What do you do in a conflict when someone says something unfair or unkind? Do you get aggressive? Defensive? Do you remain silent because you don’t know what to say? Do you speak up but later wish you hadn’t? Do you think of the perfect response later on? It’s natural to take offense if someone […]

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