I Put Up My Dukes When…

The following exercise can help you identify when you get angry in your intimate relationship, and can you look beyond your anger and locate the true issues and emotions that cause your anger.  Check every statement that describes you at least some of the time in your intimate relationship. I feel anger when… ___ My […]

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Is Anger Driving Your “Bus”?

Imagine that your life is a bus heading down the streets of your hometown.  All your feelings are sitting on the seats—sadness, love, fear, happiness, anger, loneliness, etc.—chatting with each other.  All of them are equal in power than the others.  And you’re driving the bus.  You’re in control of your life. Then suddenly there’s […]

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Resolving Your Anger

Dear Neil:  Could you address the subject of anger?  I have been angry at my wife for years, but I’m having a hard time figuring out why I get as angry as I do at her.  Even small things I can escalate into major offenses, and I am angry often at her.  But I also […]

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Quiz: Do You Get Flooded With Anger?

In a conflict with your mate, have you ever been flooded with anger?  When you get flooded, you feel emotionally and physically overwhelmed.  Most likely you think thoughts of righteous indignation (“I don’t have to take this anymore”) or innocent victimhood (“Why is s/he always picking on me?”)  Meanwhile, your heart is pounding, you’re reactive […]

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Reducing Anger in a Disagreement

Note: This is the second of a three-part series Here are ways to reduce anger and improve your dialoging skills, in order to keep your intimate relationship intimate: Beware of the impulse to strike back. When your partner expresses hurt, frustration or irritation, especially about something you have done, your immediate impulse may be to […]

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