Note: This is the first of a three-part series. Dear Neil: My boyfriend accuses me of being a critical person. I admit I complain from time to time about things that bother or disturb me about him, but I don’t think that I am that critical of him overall. Is there a way to tell […]
Should a Working Woman Also be Responsible for the Domestic Chores?
Dear Neil: I would like to see you address the issue of sharing household responsibilities in two-earner households. My husband and I have been married for 16 years. Except for a couple of years I took off when our kids were born, we have both worked full time. In all that time, my husband has […]
Obstacles to Intimacy
Why is intimacy so difficult? Most people in our culture don’t know how to succeed in a good, intimate, close, monogamous relationship. So they struggle with less than close relationships, hoping things will get better. Some people, however, do have close relationships, and some spouses/lovers are, in addition, best friends with each other. So why […]
Could I be Addicted to My Ex-Husband?
Dear Neil: My second husband and I divorced four years ago. But during that four years, we have been on again, off again. We come back together (much to our family’s dismay) for about 45 days. Then things begin to unravel.. I don’t like his attitude, he doesn’t like mine. I don’t know how else […]
Unequal Intimate Relationships are Difficult to Feel Good About
“What would you recommend I do about a girlfriend I live with who has stopped contributing to our relationship, and is no longer making any effort?” writes Paul P. from San Francisco. “Although she seems to be functioning normally at work and socially, the past two years she has progressively quit pulling her share of […]
Better Than Nothing Relationships
Dear Neil: Since my divorce three years ago, I have been involved in several relationships that have never gotten off the ground. One of these relationships was with a women I didn’t find very attractive, and I never developed much interest in being with her. We broke up after four months, and I never really […]
Overfunctioning/Underfunctioning Relationships
Are you a well functioning and responsible person living with someone who is barely functional and irresponsible? Are you someone who does too much, married to someone who does too little? If so, you may be in an “overfunctioning/underfunctioning” relationship. Roberta Gilbert, in the book Extraordinary Relationships defines a person as overfunctioning when they’re doing things […]
Back and Forth Relationships
The Leave/Come Back/Leave Relationship Last year things began to change drastically in my three-and-a-half-year relationship. We had made plans to get married when suddenly he stopped treating me with the respect he always had, he was angry, blamed me for things, told me he needed time to himself to sort things out, rented a place […]
Emotionally Unavailable
Being Involved With an Unavailable Partner is a Dead End “I am writing to you about the man I have been dating for over seven years. We are not engaged and there is no commitment on his part. We see each other only when it appears to be convenient for him,” writes Shirley of Janesville, […]
Dishonesty and Trust
“I often catch John in little ‘white lies.’ His lies are often about stupid things and really amount to nothing, but it really bothers me that he would feel the need to lie to me rather than tell the truth,” writes a woman from Aurora, Colorado. “He is not an accomplished liar, and eventually the truth […]