This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship

Dear Neil:  In the past few years, I have had several different relationships with me that seem to follow the same pattern. The man is hot, and the relationship starts out with great interest, enthusiasm, hope, chemistry and passion.  But after awhile, I seem to lose that enthusiasm and begin to notice a variety of differences between us:  we like different music, have different interests, different political view points, different styles of behaving, different ways of looking at things.

I have been repeatedly told how attractive and sexually appealing I am, and I have had men fall for me hard.  But I don’t have the same feelings for them that they feel for me, so eventually I wind up ending our relationship.  I know I’ve hurt men badly, but I’m not trying to.  I’m looking to fall in love but it doesn’t happen.  Why?  With all these men who offer love,  shouldn’t some of this help me in loving them back?

No Love in London, England

Dear No Love:  You’re not recognizing that love isn’t out there, in men.  It’s in here. In you.

Someone else, no matter how hot, isn’t going to make you fall in love.  It’s about you—what you share of yourself, what you give, what you feel, what you offer.  It’s about you opening up and giving your heart, sharing your world, your history, your vulnerabilities and sensitivities, your disappointments, hopes, dreams and goals—and also being interested in his.

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