This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship
Dear Neil: I have saved a column you wrote over a decade ago called “Husbandry 101: For Committed Men.” My copy has yellowed and frayed over the years, so could you rerun that column again? I believe many would like to see it again.
Dear Boulder: You bet. Here is a list of “rules” that every committed man would be wise to follow in his intimate relationship:
- Never forget what’s really important. Despite all the challenges that we face with our careers, paying the bills and surviving, it is our relationship issues that cause us the most challenge, pain, excitement, satisfaction, joy and heartbreak. Our relationships, in the end, are the only things that really matter–the relationships we have with our spouses, lovers, parents, children, siblings, in-laws, friends–and the relationship we have with ourselves.
- You must give to your marriage more than you expect to receive from it. Learn this–and form the habits of giving, pleasing, serving, nurturing, being affectionate, romancing. If you take more than you give, the reservoir of trust, good will, generosity and love will dry up.
- Women want to feel cherished. That’s more important than virtually anything else you can offer. Ask for what you want in concrete, specific terms and give up whining, manipulating, punishing, withholding or withdrawing in order to get your way.
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