Dear Neil:  I have had low self-esteem all my life, and have frequently heard people tell me that I should improve my self-esteem.  How do I improve my self-esteem?

Unsure in Boulder, Colorado


Dear Unsure:  Try writing down your answers to the following questions taken from Nathaniel Brandon.  Create multiple answers for each question for as many as you can:

 

  • If I bring more awareness to my life today…
  • If I take more responsibility for my choices and actions…
  • If I pay more attention to how I deal with people…
  • If I boost my energy level by 5%…
  • If I bring 5% more awareness to my emotions…
  • If I treat listening as a creative act…
  • If I commit to dealing with people fairly and benevolently…
  • If I bring a higher level of self-esteem to my activities today…
  • If I am 5% more self-accepting today…
  • If I am self-accepting even when I make mistakes…
  • If I am self-accepting even when I feel confused and overwhelmed…
  • If I am more accepting of my fears…
  • If I were more accepting of my pain…
  • If I were more accepting of my anger…
  • If I deny and disown my anger…
  • If I am more accepting of my excitement…
  • Sometimes I keep myself passive by…
  • If I take 5% more responsibility for my standard of living…
  • If I take 5% more responsibility for my personal happiness…
  • If I take 5% more responsibility for my level of self-esteem…
  • If were willing to say “yes” when I want to say “yes” and “no” when I want to say “no”…
  • If I were willing to let people hear the music inside me…
  • If I were 5% more purposeful about my deepest yearnings…
  • If I take more responsibility for fulfilling my wants…
  • If I make my happiness a conscious goal…
  • If I treat my self-respect as a high priority…
  • If the child in me could speak, s/he would say…
  • If my teenage self could speak, s/he would say…
  • If my child self felt accepted by me…
  • If my teenage self felt I was on his/her side…
  • As I come to understand that my child self and my teenage self are both part of me…
  • Sometimes when I am excited, I …
  • Sometimes when I am aroused sexually, I…
  • Sometimes when I experience strong feelings, I…
  • If I make friends with my excitement…
  • If I make friends with my sexually…
  • As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions…
  • At the thought of being free of Mother psychologically…
  • At the thought of being free of Father psychologically…
  • At the thought of belonging fully to myself…
  • If I operate 5% more self-assertively…
  • If I live my life 5% more purposefully…
  • If I bring 5% more integrity to my life…
  • I am becoming aware…

Having better self-esteem begins by exploring your thoughts and feelings, and being friendly to your hopes, dreams, pains, struggles and emotions.  It’s about being on your side—being your own ally and friend.  Try answering these questions in depth.  Your self-esteem will begin to improve.

Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Neil’s book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm can help you rekindle your passion.

Get My Book Today →
  • Did you find this article helpful? Share it with your friends!
  • Want more articles like this delivered to your inbox every month? Sign up here.
  • To make an appointment, call (303) 758-8777 or email [email protected].