Note: This is the first of a two-part series.

Many women adopt a passive attitude toward romance; they tend to think of courtship, romance and seduction as something a man does to them.  It’s a man’s job to woo you, make you feel valued, special and beautiful, bring you flowers, open doors for you , compliment you, wine and dine you , seduce you and so on.

But in truth, romance works best when it is reciprocal.  Reciprocal romance means you as a woman also needs to woo him, court him, compliment him, thank him—and act as his seductress rather than simply his seduced.

Here are some tips about how to be romantic and seductive “man style:”

  • Author Michele Weiner Davis reminds us that many men don’t get the same charge out of talking that women do.  Your man needs to feel connected to you. But for him, your physical relationship—rather than your conversations—is the tie that binds.  Physical contact makes him feel closer to you.  And once a man feels close “man style,” he’s more motivated to meet your need to talk, spend quality time together and get close “woman style.”
  • Accept the fact that he’s male—and that means sex is central to his feelings of contentment and his image of his own masculinity.  Give sexuality a high priority in your relationship no matter how busy or preoccupied your life is.  A man’s self-confidence and feelings of well-being hinges on love-making more than you’d ever guess.
  • Few things are more exciting for a man than you initiating.  Here are several ways how:  make eye contact with him then take off every stitch of clothing—while  he’s watching; create a sexy voice by adding a breathy sound to it by punctuating your words with more air.  Or embrace him, and then look him in the eye and say “I want you now.”
  • Men become far more aroused when they see that you are aroused.  Figuring out what you need in order to be aroused more of the time is therefore central to a couple feeling happy and content long-term.  Answer this question:  What do you need to become aroused more of the time?  Then tell him.
  • Teach your man to kiss the way you long to be kissed—by letting him know that it’s the gateway to greater glories.  Author Sallie Foley suggests that you tell him that there’s something you’d like to show him, and then kiss him exactly the way you would like him to kiss you.  Then ask him to imitate the kiss right back to you.  If he does it, show him you loved it.  Repeat whenever you need to.
  • Talk in sensuous ways that author Bonnie Gabriel terms “verbal foreplay,” which means that you use words to ignite his erotic imagination and build a provocative mood of expectation or suspense.  Tell him how hot he is, how sexy he makes you feel, that you want to be touched by him, that you can’t wait to get him in bed and pleasure every molecule of his being.  Use your words as aphrodisiacs.
  • If you possibly can, make important to you what he says is important to him.
  • If you are less highly sexed than your lover, you can still “take care” of him.  Don’t do this all the time or it is likely to generate anger and resentment.  But it is sweet, affectionate and loving to be a receptive and giving sexual partner who desires to please—and who does so.

Next week:  Seduction Tips for Men

Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Neil’s book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm can help you rekindle your passion.

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