This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one

If you ask a room full of grown women what they think about men and sex, you are likely to get an earful. At various times, you will likely hear them complain about men and their sexual behaviors and attitudes. You will hear women talk about men being too fast, about the lack of prolonged foreplay, about not being kissed enough or not being kissed well enough, the lack of sustained romance in a long-term relationship and about men being sexually selfish. Of course, some of this criticism will be well deserved. But what you’re extremely unlikely to hear is women talking about how to be better lovers themselves.

Here are some recommendations if you as a woman desire to learn how to be a better lover yourself:

  • Accept the fact that he’s male—and that means that sex is central to his feelings of contentment and his image of his own masculinity. Give sexuality a high priority in your relationship no matter how busy or preoccupied your life is. Author Michelle Weiner Davis reminds women that a man’s self-confidence and feelings of well-being hinges on lovemaking more than you’d ever guess.
  • When men are asked about how the sexual experience could be improved, they routinely report that they would like the woman to initiate more often. Here are several ways how: make eye contact with him, and while he is watching take off every stitch of your clothing; create a sexy voice by adding a breathy sound to it, punctuating your words with more air. Or embrace him, look him in the eye and then say: “I want you now.”
  • It is arousing to a man when you’re aroused. That is, your arousal stimulates his arousal. So what arouses you? Tell him—and then guide him to learn it well.

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