This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship

Most of us want to believe the fairy tale we grew up with: that two people can fall in love, get married and live happily ever after—or some variation of that. Some of us do live that fairy tale, but most of us struggle with the “happily ever after” part. It’s not that we don’t desire it, but rather that we don’t know how to do it, and we certainly don’t know how to sustain it over any period of time.

So permit me to offer some suggestions about some of the more important behaviors that are required if you want that lovin’ feeling to last into the future:

  1. Choose peace over feeling irritated. It’s empowering to choose being loving and peaceful instead of responding to an irritation or disappointment with an angry, reactive or judgmental response.
  2. Listen for the longing behind your partner’s complaints. You’ll hear the important issue that way.
  3. Do one thing each day that would help your partner feel more valued, appreciated or cherished.
  4. Good communication requires more than talking. Most people are very good talkers and extremely poor listeners. To listen effectively asks you to hear without defending, explaining, counter-criticizing or interrupting the other person. (All of those behaviors communicate that I don’t value what you are saying, by the way.)

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Tagged: in order to love do this   to stay in love do this   what behaviors love requires of us  

Has your relationship turned cold and distant? Neil’s book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm can help you rekindle your passion.

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