This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship
Dear Neil: I am a 69 year old successful, affluent business woman. My boyfriend of ten years is 55, and much less successful and affluent. He has twin daughters, age 21, who he dotes over and will do anything for. But they don’t want their father to have a girlfriend.
He lives in my house and cannot afford to share all living expenses, which does not present a problem for me. But he is held an emotional hostage by the twins. He will give to them lavishly, but he has to live frugally himself. When he goes to see them, he drops me totally off his radar screen, and I lose all presence in his life. He does everything they want, when they want, with utter disregard for me, and I feel shunned and dismissed when they’re in the picture or want something from him. Is there anything I can do about this?
Not a Priority in Pennsylvania
Dear Not a Priority: Initiate an extremely open, honest and sober conversation with him about what each of you vision for the future of your relationship, and the quality of relationship you would like to have with each other. During the next year or two, does he see the relationship remaining about the same, or does he want it to change? What would he like to see different, and how does he envision getting from here to there? Specifically, what would he need to do in order to create that vision and what would be asked of you? Then it’s your turn to address the same questions. Talk about the quality of the relationship you desire with him for the future.
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