This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship
Dear Neil: My boyfriend and I have been dating for several months. I am in my 20’s, and am in university. He’s moving at the end of next month an hour away (I do not have a car), and when he gets another contract, he could be going anywhere. This man is someone I think I love, and I want a long-term relationship with him, but I’m too scared to talk to him about how I feel. He’s hard to talk to because he keeps these walls up all the time, and it seems like he’s trying to keep it that way. I know he’s into me, but he’s holding back, and I don’t want to freak him out.
Should I simply walk away from this? I’ve never been so scared to lose someone.
Unsure What to Do in Canada
Dear Canada: You’re never going to know where you stand with your boyfriend until you can find your voice—and then talk with him.
With that voice it would be appropriate for you to tell him where you would like to see the relationship headed. If you would like to better know where he stands regarding a relationship with you, you could simply ask him. If you would like to express sadness or hurt at him moving farther away from you, you could tell him that. If you would like a greater commitment from him, you could say that—and then let him know what a deeper commitment would entail. Of course, he doesn’t have to agree to all of this, but you do get to ask for what you want, and you do get to make requests of him that would help you feel more safe and secure with him.
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