Dear Neil: All guys end up rejecting me. Upon meeting with them, I try to be responsive by asking them questions like: ”Do you like television show ‘x’, what’s your favorite movie from when you were little, what activities do you like,” and so on. But they aren’t responsive to my questions. What can I do to improve?

Wanting to Get This Right in Poland

Dear Poland: It sounds as if you’re not establishing a connection with a potential boyfriend. Connections are enhanced by three things: how physically or chemically attracted you are to each other, how personally open the two of you are about your lives and feelings, and whether each of you think the other is a good fit for you.

Because attraction is so important, always look your best for your first several get-togethers. Then, see if you can create a connection between the two of you by asking questions of a more personal nature. Personal questions ask someone to reveal themselves a little bit, and they often assist two people in feeling greater levels of connection with each other. Here are several such questions you may try: “What makes you proud of yourself? What do you like about yourself? How do you express your creativity? Tell me about the goals you have for yourself over the next 5 years or so. What do you think people like about you? What are your most attractive qualities? What do you offer as a romantic partner?”

These are more personal questions, and if asked and answered sincerely, they will lead you to feeling a greater connection with each other. But don’t just ask these questions, be willing to answer the same questions, and reveal about yourself what you are asking him to reveal.

Also, the entire getting-to-know-you process is not solely up to you. Both parties need to be interested in each other. None of this will work if either of you simply don’t have romantic interest in the other, if either of you are reluctant to be known by someone else or if one of you just don’t allow yourself personal involvement with the other. If that happens, find someone new, and try all this again, and keep doing this until you create a connection with someone.

Tagged: connecting   connecting with someone new   creating a connection   establishing a connection  

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