This is a preview. The full article appears in Neil's book: Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship

Here is a list of seven deadly relationship sins:

  1. Being too detached, withdrawn, removed, guarded or disengaged.   Not talking or revealing your feelings.  Not asking about your partner’s feelings—or not taking an interest in those feelings once they are shared.  Not making your relationship a top priority.  Not going all out and giving your very best to the relationship.  Keeping one foot out the door. Holding back.  Allowing yourself to get jaded and cynical, and therefore not believing in the dream anymore.  Hating men.   Not trusting women.  Being walled off, not sharing your inner self/emotions/hopes/dreams/disappointments with your partner.  Not letting your partner in.
  2. Being self-absorbed.  Selfish.  Only looking out for yourself.  Not recognizing or being tuned in to your partner’s feelings.  Having poor empathy for your partner’s emotions, needs, desires or requests.  Lack of compassion.
  3. Being defensive, and therefore not allowing someone else to tell you what upsets, irritates, hurts or angers them.  Being so self-protective that your partner doesn’t feel a sense of permission or receptivity from you in order to identify what s/he thinks, feels or wants. When you can’t be “wrong,” you can’t be in a healthy intimate relationship.

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